Staring at 35

In a woman's life, there are many cliffs she feels like mentally and chronologically she falls off of as she advances in age. And then she wakes up the next morning after yet another birthday and realizes that life still goes on and that everything is ok... Really, it is! She builds up in her mind that at a certain age that certain things will happen, and sometimes they do but a lot of times they do not.

Somewhat reckless in my early twenties, it was all about me and what I wanted. Mapping out a plan for my life and how fabulously different it will be than anything that resembled tradition. My late twenties have been about undoing some of those thoughts and keeping the parts that I like and tossing out the absurdity. I did the traditional thing and got married, but did so in my own unique way. My early thirties have been about babies... Losing them, making them, and having them. Now with two beautiful children I secretly am proud at how my son, The Midget, thinks my tattoos are "beautiful mommy". And how my daughter, The Princess, reminds me so much of me: determined, feisty, and a real challenge.

For me, being 34 has been a beautiful thing. It has been a magical age of still feeling and being youthful without all the responsibility of what I have imagined 40 to be like. For the most part, life is on track with the wonderful hubby and two beautiful kids. If I had a dog, I think that life maybe idling even faster towards perfection and almost too idealistic. But with 35 looming in the next six months of life, it seems like a lot of things have gotten way too real all of a sudden.

For instance, on msn.com today there was an article about how to feel sexy after 35 and I am thinking to myself with all sorts of alarms going off that soon I will be 35 and I can't still be sexy. Or am I taking it to the extreme when I complete online surveys that I will somehow disappear because I will no longer be looped in with the 25 year olds when they ask my age for market researching purposes. Is 35 some cliff that I jump off of and am never to be heard from again??? But more importantly, I want to know who made 35 such a big deal thus making me want to rage against this number that essentially has done nothing personal to me.

And for my readers over 35, I do realize the insanity in which I write, but please admit that at some point you too felt like this, you too dreaded some age. And for those who are turning this seemingly impossible age with me this year, let us do it with style, grace, courage, and a whole lot of support! And for those who are nowhere near it, I laugh because at any age under 34 there are a lot of things you are still trying to figure out. Regardless, I ask that you join me on this voyage, this chronological journey of sorts as I march towards 35 and embrace both the 3 and the 5 this year...

I want to hear your voice and feedback on my absurdity, my rationality, and my insanity.

As for now, I am 34 and on the Edge trying to figure all of these things out...